How to Put an End to “Lone Ranger” Syndrome

Posted on: September 18th, 2013 by Dan Saia

For as long as I can remember one of my default thoughts has been “it’s all up to me.”  That voice also says things like “I have to do everything.  If I want it done right, I have to do it myself.  Nobody is there for me.  I’m all alone.”

I’ve worked quite hard the past few years to break this old thought pattern because it wasn’t serving me at all.  I had become so comfortable and safe with being a “lone ranger” that it was sort of like a fish in water; I didn’t even know I was a “lone ranger” most of the time – just like the fish doesn’t know it’s in water.

But as I increased my conscious awareness and become more honest with myself about how tired, run down, frustrated, overwhelmed and overworked I was… I began to see the pattern at play.  And I realized that it was critical for me to request, open to and receive more support!

Here are the two of the most important things I did to get the support I needed and end my own “lone ranger” syndrome:

Seek Out a Like-Minded Tribe

Even though you may feel alone and unsupported in your journey right now, I assure you there are tons of groups, and communities where you can find like-minded and like-hearted people.  Believe me when I say this because I was convinced that “my kind of people” did NOT exist where I lived in York, PA.  However, when I realized how much of a “lone ranger” I was and set out to change it… all of a sudden I discovered fabulous communities of people right in my own backyard.  People where I can walk into a room and feel seen, understood, supported, and appreciated as an important part of the community as a whole.

I also started seeking out my “tribe” beyond my local area, especially around support in growing my business as a Transformational Messenger.  And when an invitation showed up to fly to San Diego to connect with a new tribe of messengers and business leaders, I hopped on a plane to be there.  That was in 2010 and I can honestly share that saying YES to checking out this tribe has radically and positively impacted the state of my business, and my heart and soul.  It’s brought amazing professional relationships to me as well as powerful friendships.  So, please go out of your way to seek out your like-minded tribe.

It warms my heart to know that one of the most common reasons my clients are flying from around the world to join me at the Transformational Author Breakthrough is exactly this reason… to BE with their “soul family” in person.   And I know – just like it has happened for me – that they WILL develop relationships that last a lifetime and benefit every area of their lives.

This is my wish for you.  So, please seek out your tribe – your family – whether it’s around the corner or around the world.  It’s essential when it comes to ending “lone ranger” syndrome.

Ask For Help

When you’re suffering from “lone ranger” syndrome one of the symptoms is that you don’t ask for enough help – or any help.  I used to perceive needing help as a weakness, rather than a strength; but over the past few years I’ve discovered just how much of a STRENGTH it is to ask for help.  The more help I ask for and receive, the more I am able to expend my energy on the things that bring me the most joy.

If asking for help is hard for you, or you don’t have the budget to get the help you need in your business, at least begin to exercise this muscle by using a resource like www.fiverr.com, or www.odesk.com to get help on some small things.   Even if it feels scary, start small and begin to strengthen your “receiving help” muscle.  I was scared out of my mind when I hired my first assistant more than a decade ago… but it sure made a huge difference!  It’s essential to invest in yourself this way.  As magnificent as you are, you just can’t do it all alone… nor should you.

So, whether you’re hiring your fifth person or your first, be willing to ask for help… beginning with freeing yourself up from the things that drive you the most crazy.  Truly feeling supported in your business is a guaranteed way to relieve some of the symptoms of “lone ranger” syndrome.

And, of course don’t forget about your life outside of business either.  I’m often a little less comfortable asking for personal help, but am growing in that area too!  I was actually quite proud of myself this past weekend when I was in Monterey and my husband David was working in North Carolina.  We had to ask a friend to have our daughter for a two night sleepover and then drop her off at with my sister-in-law after that.  This was a stretch for me, but so empowering to ask for the help we needed and get it.   Here’s to a lot more of it for all of us!

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I’d love to hear what step you’re going to take to end your “lone ranger” syndrome.  Please let me know.  I look forward to being inspired by your comments and expanding my own comfort zone around asking for help.  Thank you!

Comments

comments

10 responses to “How to Put an End to “Lone Ranger” Syndrome”

  1. nancy karlson bridge says:

    I’m beginning to say yes when help is offered; no has been my pat response, I don’t need any help. Whether I do or don’t need help, saying yes provided a relational opportunity to be in the presence of another. Everyone has something to offer and whim am I to deny the gift of their sharing??? Yes, being connected and open to others is definitely more fun than going it alone.

  2. Cathy Sobers says:

    Thank you Christine for such a timely message. I have had the Lone Ranger syndrome for most of my life. I have been working on asking for help in recent times. It is not easy when you are so used to depending on yourself, but I know now that it can lead to new opportunities and meeting new people, and makes the journey easier.

    As I try now to embark on establishing my Coaching business, I realize that I will need help from people who have done it before. It is very humbling to ask for help, but I am determined to keep working on it.

    Thank you for sharing those websites. I will certainly check them out.
    Thank you for sharing so much on the Transformational Author Experience. I have learnt and continue to learn so much from you.
    You are a bright light for so many people….truly a transformation catalyst, God bless.

    Cathy

  3. Naveen says:

    Since childhood I have been a lone ranger, never proud of it, but by necessity. How I wished, I had the misfortune of asking well-meaning, nothing-knowing persons who were polite but not helpful. But I keep on trying, thinking there are always enough experts in each field. The other day got another of those hypes on the e-mail, someone direly wanting to help me. On approach the person backed off, not knowing an answer. So this goes on daily all these years and years.
    Your encouraging note is welcome, but I still have to wait for the day when an angel turns up and gives me just a small hint or a wink, not hype.

  4. misia says:

    I am going to send out an advertisement intern/volunter in january 2014.
    Now is the time for me to seek support.
    Thanks for sharing this information : )

  5. Christina Haas says:

    Thank you so much for this reminder Christine! I am definitely in “lone ranger” mode as a single mom, and need to break out of it for all of our sakes. Your piece is very timely fo rme as I re-evaluate what is working and not working in the flow of my life and how to move forward with more ease and flow. And as Nancy says, it is more fun to be connected than alone. Cleaning the kitchen in boring by myself. On a Saturday morning, with music, dancing and the kids, it is far more fun! Namaste!

  6. CJ Schepers says:

    Wow! That’s me too. I think it’s a particular conundrum for writers… Yep, finding one’s tribe is so important.

  7. Kathy Butler says:

    Even the Lone Ranger had Tonto!

  8. Ariel says:

    This is the theme of my life right now as well. I like the idea of asking for help in uncommon places and ways.

  9. Gabrielle/After motherhood, what? says:

    I have been revelling in my lone rangerness lately, but I must admit, I do wish I knew even one person who is going through what I am going through in trying to start a new business.
    I have joined a meetup group but have chickened out of going to the first meeting. I’m hoping your article will give me the support to go next time.

  10. Great topic Christine! The more I have been able to reach out and ask for help the more I have been able to free myself up to stay connected to what Jane Deuber refers to as our ” zone of genius”. It is so empowering to build relationships near and far with people who really “get” what our mission is about and who really are called to help us actualize it. This past year has been full of those first steps for me. It is profound how we are shaped by both our asking and by what/who and how the support shows up! BTW, I loved meeting you and I so enjoyed your presentation in Monterey!

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