No More Hiding. No More Playing Small. by Christine Kloser (an excerpt from my book, “Pebbles in the Pond (Wave Four): Transforming the World One Person at a Time“)
It happened in a moment – the realization that as “big” and wonderful as I thought my life was, I was still playing small and hiding my brightest light. Until that moment I hadn’t seen it. I really thought I was living my soul’s true purpose, making the contribution I was put on Earth to make, and doing a pretty good job at it. But until this glimpse into a new reality – and a new possibility – I was basically asleep to the full potential of my life and the light I was designed to bring to the world.
Maybe you’ve felt the same way at times in your life. Everything appears one way one moment and then a sudden realization changes everything and helps you see the illusion you’ve been living. It reminds me of that Jim Carrey movie, The Truman Show. In the movie, Truman’s entire life had been lived on a TV set without his knowing it. He thought he was living in a big, beautiful world, experiencing life to the fullest; while millions of people were actually watching him in his own TV reality show that he didn’t know existed. As far as he knew life “off the set” didn’t exist – until that fateful moment when everything changed and he realized that the “sky” above him was fixed and fake and there was something on the other side, which he became determined to discover.
Now, my moment of realization wasn’t nearly as dramatic as Truman’s. As some of our most profound moments are, this one was subtle. It came out of a period of time when I’d really been reflecting, questioning, expanding, healing, and growing in my life – re-creating myself in a sense. And almost like the simple act of placing a cherry atop a delicious ice cream sundae, I could simply see a more complete picture.
I saw how the success I had created in my life since going through bankruptcy and foreclosure and losing a business to a former business partner all in the same year was not the full picture of my life and my work. It was just the first step to what I was put here to do.
As I write this, it’s interesting to reflect on that moment because while I’m aware that there is so much more expression, so much more life force, so much more of the Divine that wants to be revealed through me, I’m not there… yet. I’m still in the beginning phases of opening to see who I really, truly, Divinely am and fully understanding what God put me here for in the first place.
I want to share a little back story with you to help you understand why this awareness was such a wake-up call for me, and also help you see how there may be a subtle wake-up call happening in your own life.
When I was growing up, I never felt good enough. Like many people, this belief is something I came into this world with to heal and transform as I evolved and remembered who I was. It took me several decades to get to where I am now, with some understanding of the larger, soul-directed purpose of my life.
But when I was younger, I longed to feel important, special, seen, heard, valued, and appreciated for who I was. It wasn’t a conscious awareness, but looking back I can see the evidence in my path. Since I wasn’t a very good student, I learned to excel by performing: dancing, figure-skating, gymnastics, and majorettes to name a few. They all put me in the limelight and helped me feel good enough, at least temporarily, while I performed and won applause.
Fast-forward to my adult life as an entrepreneur since 1991, and the same cycle continued. I excelled as a yoga teacher at a time when the biggest dream I could imagine was to teach yoga at a studio in Los Angeles owned by Rod Stryker and Steve Ross. That was my big, audacious life goal. It happened and I felt good enough… for a short while. Can you see the pattern of my playing small and hiding begin to emerge? Really? My biggest dream was to teach a yoga class at that studio? Looking back I can see how small I was thinking… and being.
Over seven years I went from being a fitness trainer to teaching yoga to owning my own yoga studio. Then I started a women’s networking group in Los Angeles, which led to running events, seminars, and business coaching, and launching a publishing company.
While all of this was exciting, fun, and making a difference to others, under the radar – under my own conscious mind – I was still searching, hoping that maybe “this” next thing would bring me some peace and lasting satisfaction. I couldn’t dream beyond what I could see because I was looking for any piece of the validation, acceptance, and accolades I believed I needed. My everyday life was focused on this pursuit rather than on a vision of what I truly wanted for my life. I kept hiding my doubts, hiding my fears, and hiding my light by trying to keep it all together in the hope that people wouldn’t see that underneath it all I still didn’t feel good enough and couldn’t see anything more for myself.
Eventually the unstable foundation I had created internally couldn’t sustain what I was attempting to build as my impenetrable fortress of success on the outside, and everything I built came crumbling down at once. I lost my home, my business, all of my money, and almost my marriage in my crash of 2011.
It was by far the most challenging thing I’ve experienced to date in my life. And it was also the greatest gift, because I couldn’t hide anymore. I could no longer keep up the front that I was fine, business was great, and I had my act together. I could no longer hold together the pieces that made me feel good enough. I had no choice but to let go and let it be. Painful as that was, it transformed everything about my life.
I’ve since built a successful, sustainable, and profitable business helping authors around the world share their wisdom, message, and story on the pages of a book. Pebbles in the Pond being in your hands right now is part of that success. To date I’ve trained more than 70,000 authors around the world, launched a new publishing company, seen many of my clients become best-selling authors, facilitated life-changing live events for global audiences, and more. I have to admit, life is good… really good!
And, in the midst of this beautiful phase of my life, I caught that glimpse of something else – that nudge that says, “You ain’t seen nothin’ yet”; that voice that says I’m just getting started; that part of me that quite honestly gets terrified at times about where this path is leading me.
I’m beginning to see that the “bigness” of my life and the work I’m blessed to do is only a fraction of what I was put here on Earth to accomplish; that only a small fragment of my brightest light is really being revealed; that I am cautious with, as one of my teachers says, “How much God I’m willing to let others see through me.”
As I wrote that sentence, I could feel the immediate urge to delete it out of fear of what you’ll think of me – fear that I’d rather play small and keep it safe than open up to my full God-intended expression; that I’d rather hide than risk being attacked or ridiculed when I shine my light fully.
So while I do have this amazing business and life now, believing it’s the biggest I can dream is a disservice to my soul. It’s a beautiful distraction that can easily keep me from going deeper, surrendering more, and opening up to the Universe in a bigger way. It can make it look like I really am living my soul’s highest purpose… until I look closer.
I know in some ways the evolution of the past years was needed and has stretched me and helped me grow and evolve in ways in which I’ve become unrecognizable to myself. For example, one day, after my husband had heard me say something out of character when we were driving somewhere, he later joked that he thought he had picked up a hitchhiker! I had said something and been with him in a way I never had before. I get it. I have grown and evolved.
After this glimpse of a whole new world I realize that what I’ve created is likely only the beginning of something outside my current realm of possibility. It’s exciting, scary, thrilling, and nerve-wracking all at the same time. And… I wouldn’t want it any other way.
After sharing this with you, I want to invite you to reflect on your own life. Honestly assess whether you are playing full-out, sharing your highest expression with the world, and bringing forth the creative expression of your bright, beautiful soul… or not.
You might see immediately that you aren’t… yet… which is totally okay. I’m not either, and very few people on the planet are at that stage in their lives. We are all evolving and growing. And if, like me, you didn’t see it right away because life is feeling and looking good right now, it may take a little digging to pull back the curtain and assess where you are and whether you’re doing and being all that your soul put you here to do and be.
One thing I know to be true on this journey is that we are all, in our unique ways, here to live an amazing life, experience joy, make a difference, and feel fulfilled on a deep, soul level. Playing small and hiding – especially when it looks to the world like you aren’t – doesn’t serve you or anyone on this journey.
The question is… are you willing to join me? Are you willing to catch a glimpse of a new possibility for your life that’s far beyond anything you can envision in your mind right now? You don’t need to have any idea what it is; you only need to be willing, and open your heart and soul for more to be revealed. It’s the willingness that makes the difference.
Here are a few affirmations to help you move forward on your path of no more hiding and no more playing small:
- I am willing to see a new possibility for my life.
- I am safe to go on this journey.
- I am a cherished and deeply loved child of the Universe.
- I am here to do all I was put here to do.
- I am here to experience and BE the light of my soul.
It’s time to step into your own greatness and see how truly wonderful life can be!
How about you? Are you willing to catch a glimpse of a new possibility for your life? I’d love to hear what “glimpses” you are envisioning right now! Please comment below.